Thursday, September 17
Reflection: Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the season of life I’m in now. What does it mean to be a woman approaching midlife? How do I care for a body that needs something different from me than it did at 25 or 35? How do I learn when to push, when to rest, when to ask questions, and when to simply listen? And how do I let go of earlier versions of myself without criticizing them?
Because she got me here. The woman I was at 25. At 33. At 35. The woman desperately trying to understand what was happening to her body. The woman imagining a future that included children. The woman grieving when that future began to disappear. She did the best she could with what she knew at the time. I don't want to spend the second half of my life angry with her.
I want to thank her. Maybe that's part of what this season is asking of me: to stop looking backward only through the lens of what didn't happen and begin looking forward toward everything that still can. Because here's the thing about being a woman who wanted children and didn't have them: there isn't always a clear path laid out for us.
There aren't obvious milestones telling us what comes next. We're figuring it out.
What does aging look like?
What does family look like?
Where do we place all that love?
What do we nurture?
What new passions are waiting for us?
What might bring joy that we haven't even discovered yet?
I don't have all of those answers. But I know something now that I didn't know years ago:
I don't want to figure them out alone. I want spaces where women like me can speak freely about what this experience actually feels like the grief, the aging, the body changes, the relationships, the fear, the freedom, the ridiculous moments, the unexpected joy and all the complicated things in between.
No explaining. No minimizing. No pretending that because enough time has passed, we're somehow finished with this experience. Childlessness not by choice can already be incredibly isolating. I don't think the rest of our lives need to be. Perhaps that is one of the answers this season is giving me. I still have so much life left to live. There are passions I haven't found yet.
Places I haven't been. People I haven't met. Things I haven't grown. Versions of myself I haven't become. I can honor the woman who thought her life would look one way without requiring the woman I am becoming to spend the rest of her life mourning that version of the future.
Both women belong to me and I'm beginning to feel curious about the one who comes next. -Adriana Rodriguez-Baptiste
Subscriber Spotlight:
Self Care Tip: Think about a previous version of yourself, the woman who helped get you here.
What would happen if, instead of judging her for what she didn't know, you thanked her?
And then ask yourself: What does the woman I am becoming need from me now?
Maybe this season doesn't require us to have everything figured out.
Maybe we can figure some of it out together. 🌱
