Thursday, September 03
Reflection: As I read this quote and the memorials honoring Ms. Steinem’s life, I’m reminded that women hold more power when we stand together. When I think about the ways we’ve been ranked, I see how quickly complications and silos appear, especially when we compare ourselves to one another: “Who became a mother and who didn’t? Whose grief is considered ‘legitimate’? Whose life is seen as more meaningful or complete because they have children, a spouse, or a traditional family structure”.
Ms. Steinem taught us that women are linked, not ranked. And somewhere along the way, many of us forgot what that means.
We were linked from the moment we entered the world- wrapped in pink blankets, handed baby dolls and taught that caretaking was our destiny. Those early expectations shaped our brains, our identities, and our sense of worth. But when we remember that women make up half the population, we begin to see how much more we share than we realize. Not becoming a mother does not make you less of a woman. In many ways, it asks you to define womanhood on your own terms and that is its own form of strength.
As a therapist, an oldest sister, a dog mom, a community volunteer, a friend, a gardener and a first‑generation American, I can tell you that finding my way in life is a daily practice. I wake up reaching for meaning. I live by Muhammad Ali’s words: “Don’t count the days. Make the days count”. I haven’t perfected his words and I never will.
It can be lonely to be the “only one” in a room. It can be lonely when people aren’t curious, or when they make assumptions about your life without understanding the pain beneath it. But after 45 years on this earth, I’ve learned that humans are wired to connect. It’s a basic need.
Yesterday I connected with the butterflies visiting my butterfly bush. I connected with my dog, Jersey, who insisted on being scratched between client sessions. I connected with my sister while listening to videos from my 3‑year‑old niece. I connected with my husband as we asked each other about our day. And I connected with my own body as it reminded me, not so gently, that healing has its own timeline.
These moments tether me to the outer world. They remind me that the hole in my heart, the one created by not having children, is filled with relationships, beings, and experiences I love deeply and unconditionally. And filling that hole has taken years of practice and patience. It’s a hole I’ve tended every day for the last 12 years, ever since I learned I couldn’t have children. It took years of therapy and grief work to understand that this is what grief looks like for me and it's my goal to become friends with it.
I’ve learned that my life is meaningful not because I am a mother, but because I am connected. I am linked to the women around me in a different way and that is okay! In fact, it’s a beautiful life. But it requires acknowledgment: we are not separated by the illogical rankings society places on us. We are connected by the shared human experience, and none of us has the answers.
So let’s link. Let’s connect. Let’s remember that standing together is the power we’ve had all along.
Subscriber Spotlight:
Self Care Tip: Choose one living thing to tend this week. It can be an herb, a houseplant, a cutting, or even a seed in a jar. As you care for it, let it remind you:
Growth doesn’t only happen inside the body.
Nurturing is not limited to motherhood.
Life expands in many directions.
You are capable of cultivating beauty, connection and meaning in ways that are uniquely you.
