Thursday, August 27
Reflection: I love sitting down to write these newsletters because it gives us a space to learn together, and today I’m sharing something I’ve been wrestling with in my own life. So, here’s where I’m at this week: learning how to be the willow instead of the oak takes practice, but is so worth it.
I’ve noticed a pattern in myself lately. If a stressor hits, even a small one, my system reacts as if it’s facing a major crisis. If I forget to call a friend back or turn my coffee maker off before I leave the house, it’s as if a tsunami is headed straight towards me. My head starts spinning, my heart rate spikes, and I catch myself operating from survival mode where it’s seemingly impossible to see the bigger picture.
When we feel that internal spin, our default human response is often to grab the steering wheel as tightly as we can. We try to force outcomes, fix the discomfort, and make things happen out of sheer willpower.
What I am actively learning is that taking total control leaves no space for anything else to enter. Continually forcing an outcome is often just panic in disguise. In these moments, it’s ok to stop for a moment and take a breath. It feels uncomfortable but it can change so much.
Healing means shifting from forcing to receiving—believing that we are worthy of letting good things come to us, and cultivating a quiet trust that things will work out, even when it may not seem like it in the moment.
If you struggle with this level of control, it helps to ask yourself: Where did I learn that my world wasn't safe to trust, and why do I expect the worst?”
For me, this deep-seated need to control stems from a profound place of grief. It comes from putting ultimate trust in my own body to grow a baby, only to feel like it failed me. When your body or your life doesn't do what it was "supposed" to do, trusting the universe—or trusting yourself—feels terrifying. Trying to gain control becomes a survival mechanism.
Noticing where that panic comes from doesn’t magically fix it overnight, but it does give us permission to treat ourselves with grace instead of frustration. Every time we catch ourselves in the middle of a tailspin and realize there’s another way, we’re training our nervous system to step out of fight-or-flight and into peace. We don’t have to feel chaos every time something stressful happens. We can override this system by choosing to. - Caroline Bloss
Subscriber Spotlight:
Self Care Tip: To help you practice this, here is a simple self-care tool to try: This week, when you feel that familiar frenzy starting to rise, try catching yourself and notice your body. Is your heart racing? Are your words speeding up? Has your mind narrowed into crisis mode? Simply witness it without judgment.
Soften your grip. Ask yourself where you can step back right now. Where can you create a little breathing room instead of rushing to force a fix? Take a deep breath in and out.
Remind yourself that your urge to control was born out of self-protection. You can thank your mind for trying to keep you safe, while letting it know that you are safe enough to let go just a little bit today.
