Thursday, June 25
Reflection: When I first read this quote, I hated it. I didn’t want to grieve forever. I wanted to believe there would be a day when the sadness, longing, and ache of my body not allowing me to become a mother would simply disappear. In my twenties, I felt much more ambivalent about motherhood. To be honest, this desire evolved over time, which made the loss and disappointment in body even more confusing.
What I’ve learned instead is that grief changes shape. Most of us are not prepared for loss when it arrives at our doorstep. We don’t learn how to navigate grief until we are forced to. Loss doesn’t disappear. It becomes part of who we are, and we learn how to carry it while continuing to build meaningful lives.
One of the ways I’ve learned to carry my grief is through nurturing. Not because nurturing replaces motherhood, but because the part of me that longed to care for others never disappeared. I have to make a conscious decision every day about what I will nurture and where I will direct that energy. So today, I embrace many roles that fill my heart: being a Tía, a therapist, a mentor, a gardener, a volunteer, a sister, a friend, and a daughter.
I feel it when I tend to my garden. I see it when I care for my dog. I hear it in the stories shared within our support groups. The community we have built at Healing Roots Together is special because women trust us with some of the most vulnerable parts of themselves. I want to be clear: none of these experiences erase the loss of not becoming a mother. But they remind me that my capacity to love is still very much alive. Society often assumes that if a woman doesn’t become a mother, her nurturing ends there. I have found the opposite to be true. I know these women. I am one of these women.
The love remains. The desire to care remains. The longing remains.The difference is that, over time, we begin finding places for that love to go. Your grief of not becoming a mother may always be part of your story. But so is your capacity to love.
-Adriana Rodriguez-Baptiste
Subscriber Spotlight:
Self Care Tip: Find a weed in your garden, planter, or yard. As you gently pull it from the soil, name a feeling you've been carrying lately: anger, loneliness, jealousy, sadness, guilt, resentment, or disappointment.
Notice the roots. Some weeds come out easily. Others cling tightly to the earth. Remind yourself: I don't have to get rid of this feeling forever. I am simply acknowledging that it's here. Then, place your hand on the soil when you're finished and take three slow breaths.
