Thursday, October 08
Reflection: When the grief of not having kids hits, it can feel like you’re being pulled far out to sea by the strong ocean’s current. On the darkest days, the weight of this loss feels devastating and isolating and you’re not quite sure how you’re going to make it back to shore. Yet, even in the depths of this deep pain, an undeniable truth remains: you can do hard things.
At 28 years old, I experienced a profound loss. My mom was diagnosed with a brain tumor. She went from doing keg stands at my wedding to a few months later, fighting for her life. During this time, fear pervaded every cell of my body as I navigated this unfamiliar terrain. I sat beside her hospital bed daily and eventually beside her hospice bed at home ensuring that she was cared for and most importantly, comfortable. I coordinated her medical treatments and advocated for her fiercely like a lioness protecting her baby cub. There were moments when I felt like I was in a movie, or living someone else’s life. It felt disorienting but I stayed the course because I learned that I can do hard things.
When you step into these moments of bravery, you teach yourself that you are stronger than you ever imagined. My presence and commitment to my mom provided for her warmth, like the sun’s rays, and it taught me that inside of myself, is an invincible summer.
Courage isn't the absence of fear; it’s choosing to do the thing anyway even when your heart is breaking. You discover your true resilience when you are forced to stand in places you never thought you could survive.
Unchosen childlessness, like any profound loss changes you entirely and it also reveals a profound light hidden within your core. In time, amidst the raw ache, tremendous growth happens and you are forever changed.
Please remember that you are not alone on this journey. Healing Roots Together honors both the deep grief of what never will be and the incredible, enduring strength of who you are becoming. - Caroline Bloss
Subscriber Spotlight:
Self Care Tip: Give yourself permission to hold two truths at once. Spend 10 minutes feeling the full weight of your grief, and then step outside, take three deep breaths of cold air, and drink a glass of water. Show your nervous system that you can touch the deep water and still return safely to shore.
