Thursday, May 14
Reflection: These words from Rumi are beautiful because they are much easier said than done. I believe this is a lifelong process. Recently, after a difficult day, I found a stack of childhood school pictures and laid them out across my mother’s dining room table. Kindergarten picture, 4th grade picture, 8th grade picture and I looked into the eyes of each version of myself and realized that I had never truly looked at these photos with love. Instead, I always saw them with criticism- my hair, my teeth, my outfit. I began to wonder what years of refusing to look at these pictures had done to me. Did it shape my sense of self-worth? Did it create barriers that made me believe I was unworthy of love? Did the little girl in each of those pictures deserve more tenderness than I ever gave her?
As a therapist, I often speak to parents about their ability to “re-parent” themselves while also raising their children. As a woman without children, I will not have the experience of recreating the wrongs and rights of my own childhood through parenting because I only have myself.
So while I wait for the garden to wake up after a cold, wet Spring, after loving and playing with my 90lb pit-boxer mix, and after spending two weeks with my nieces, I am ultimately left with me. The younger versions of myself that I did not fully appreciate or love; the versions of me that built barriers to receiving love.
Now I look at those pictures differently and I say (on purpose):
“What a smart girl you are. You have no idea what lies ahead of you. There will be painful moments, and there will be times you question why certain things happened, but trust that I’ve got you now. I am sorry for refusing to truly see you earlier. You are deserving of love, and I will carry you with me forever.”
The younger versions of YOU are waiting to be seen too. They are waiting for you to tell them:
You are brave enough.
You are worthy of love.
I am sorry for ignoring your hurt for so long.
Once you begin this practice, it becomes difficult to forget its impact. But I can tell you that slowly it begins to remove the barriers to the love you seek. Witness yourself. See yourself for how wonderful you truly are. It is your voice that matters most. It is your voice that your body will hear the loudest because it's familiar. You and the younger version of you have been waiting to hear these words for a long time. This exercise will release stored shame and signal repair to your nervous system. It’s time. You’ve got this. -Adriana Rodriguez-Baptiste
Subscriber Spotlight:
Self Care Tip: Tonight, find one photo of your younger self. Sit with her for a few moments without criticism or judgment. Notice what changes when you choose to look at her with compassion instead. Then give yourself a sweet treat thereafter or a big stretch. Reward yourself for choosing to do this exercise, you have earned it.
